Yesterday's elections ended in a landslide victory for Vladimir "Shorter Stalin" Putin. This is no shock, but it does allow an observer to take away a few key points about how to win an election.
1. Arrest your opponents.
If the people running against you are in jail, they can't win. Putin knows this and ordered the Russian army to arrest one time chess champion and opposition leader, Gary Kasparov.
2. Convince other parties not to run.
When the only serious opponant to you is a commie, and the other serious political parties are endorsing you for fear of being labeled "terrorists," you have an increased chance of winning.
3. Just plain lie.
I'm not talking lie like the way Bill "Ladies Man" Clinton tells people he's always been against the Iraq War when in fact he told a magazine he was for the war. I'm talking lying in the tradition of bizzare UFO conspiracy people, Putin told people that he has recieved visions from God telling him to run, and that the United States is a "devil country... that seeks to destory our great nation."
4. Kill Opponants.
This is the big one. Hitler knew this, Saddam knew this, Nero knew this, and now Putin knows it because he ordered the G.R.U. to poison a key opposition candidate.
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